Now I don’t want to say I told you so, but what kind of gloating narcissist would I be if I didn’t write a blog post about how I am always right and everyone should listen to me more? Let me just pop my ‘I knew it pants on’ and lets begin. So, a few weeks ago, I wrote a post about the body positive gang and how I just wasn’t buying it. I felt like it was a huge ploy by mainstream media to sell more stuff to fat girls and wrap it up in a bow of ‘self love’ as long as your fat fell in the right places, of course. Well, this week, the mainstream media have been fawning over a ‘body positive’ husband and I am calling it what it is, bullshit.
It begins with an Instagram post (link here) by “wordsmith, public speaker and creative activist” Robbie Tripp. At first glance it seems like a perfectly sweet but generally benign public display of affection with him and his wife doing googly eyes at each other on a beach. But take a closer look and you will see a diatribe of ‘bopo’ inspired drivel written alongside this precious intimate moment. Robbie wants us to know that he likes his wife, even though she is a bit fat. Cue the crescendo of likes and the boy’s a viral sensation, and it doesn’t take long before the mainstream media are crawling all over Rob’s ‘love of big birds’ and suggesting we should be ‘swooning’ over him.
Well I am not swooning, my fanny is not even remotely fluttering, and here’s why.
Stop Fetishizing Fat Women’s bodies
Robbie starts his post by admitting that when he was younger he was “often teased by my friends for my attraction to girls on the thicker side…” Lets ignore the fact that Rob’s friends sound like complete bell ends, and focus on young Robbie’s penchant for the rotund rumpy pumpy.
If you’re a sexual being, then you have probably found things over your adult life that make your genitals gyrate. As we get older and we open ourselves up to new experiences, we are likely to find different things that make us more sexually attracted to the people we want to sleep with. Whether it’s a plump boob, a little side roll or that little muscle which appears on their face when their jaw clenches due to holding back tears (Yes, Your Honour, I like my men crying and emotionally stunted), it is not uncommon to search out those things in a sexual partner. But just because you have found the thing that makes your todger tingle, it is not OK to whittle that person down to only the things you find sexually stimulating.
Robbie dissects his (beautiful and conventionally attractive) wife right down to the things he thinks are sexy. All of these are physical attributes that he admits he fetishized as a young adult. He breaks her whole entirety down to what gets his knob nodding and then reminds other women not to worry because “There is a guy out there who is going to celebrate you for exactly who you are…” Really Robbie? You mean I can find myself a man who wants to spend time with me purely because he has found things attached to me that he can tug his tent house too. Phew, and to think I was getting desperate.
Stop fetishising fat women. Stop fetishising all women. Whether it’s our flab, feet or fannies, stop fawning over us like we’re plastic sex dolls and realise women don’t exist for your sexual gratification.
Just Because You call it Feminism, Doesn’t Mean That It Is.
I love me some male feminists. They are my favourite feminists. Men, who are willing to accept that their gender is a privilege and who recognise that there are patriarchal structures that exclude women socially, economically legally and culturally? Yup, those men really float my boat.
Robbie is not a feminist. He uses his wife for views, likes and personal one upmanship. He displays her like a fat trophy on all of his social media and then expects a slap on the back for doing so. Robbie knows that millennial women quite like the idea of equality, and so Robster has thrown the ‘F’ word around and hopes that no one will notice that he does so whilst pointing out every one of his wife’s ‘flaws’.
I am looking forward to his wife’s post where she points out his lack of jaw line, fashion sense, muscular definition, or body hair and suggests that despite Robbie not being in the least bit conventionally attractive or ever likely to grace the front page of GQ magazine, she still wants to bone him. Except that won’t happen will it, because women don’t comment on men’s bodies, men comment on women’s bodies, and that Ladies and Gentlemen is the mother fucking Patriarchy.
You’re Not Doing Her a Favour
Even though Robbie uses his wife (and her body) throughout his social media in order to build his business and media presence (his insta bio reads “Husband to a curvy goddess), the main message of his piece is that it is his wife who should be truly grateful for their union. Because despite her stretch marks, dimply butt and fat rolls, Robbie still finds her sexy. Can you hear that sigh of relief from the world’s female population, that men find stretch marks sexy? Imagine if our skin had only stretched to make room for puberty, babies and general growth and not for men’s sexual satiation.
It bothers me that men like Robbie seem to think that accepting women, ‘flaws’ and all is somehow commendable. It perpetuates the myth that women’s self worth can only be affirmed through male attention and that without it we are just all the lonely fat girls on the benches at the school disco. Women don’t need men to get up and dance, and we are quite capable of doing our one-person solo to Whigfield’s ‘Saturday Night’ without a man’s intervention. If you like a woman physically, emotionally or mentally, then big whoop for you, but don’t expect her to be grateful for your attention.
So what I am really saying Mr Tripp is, it’s great you fancy your wife and every part of her. That’s fab. I fancy men with big hands, and broad shoulders. So as long as you’re OK with me rubbing my vagina up against them in clubs, catcalling them when their on their own and vulnerable and sending them explicit photos of my labia just because they are on a dating website, then I guess I can be OK with your post about how you fancy your ‘fat’ wife.
What do you think, is Robbie’s post a hit or is he a tit?