‘Tis the season to pop the marigolds on. The sun is shining, the bunnies are hoping and you have the overwhelming desire to throw your whole life in the bin and start afresh.
Spring has sprung and clearing out is the new ‘going out’ so whilst you’re rummaging through your kitchen cupboards throwing out 10 year old tubs of Marmite, why not take that same ruthless attitude with your dating life?
For when your love life is dustier than your Nan’s knicker drawer, it’s time to shake out the moth balls and get this Tinder Train back on track.
Does It Bring You Joy?
Marie Kundo stands before me and holds a 6ft, Neck Tattooed Fuckboy by the scruff of the neck,
“Does he bring you joy?”
I hesitate and she looks at me, before throwing him quickly into the donate pile. Underneath him a dozen others, carbon copies of the same man I have been dating for the past decade.
Along with the man mountain, there sits, ready to be donated, dating apps that made me miserable, nights out where I waited for ‘that’ phone call and conversations I’ve been forced to endure, all in the hope of finding ‘something’ and always returning with nothing.
When our lives are in a bit of a mess, we need to purge and clean out all the things that make us a bit miserable. By getting rid of the things we have collected, like unused numbers or feelings of ‘having to go out in case we miss THE ONE’ we can stop feeling overwhelmed and start looking for the root of the problem. And whether that’s wanting to spend more time in our jim jams than at a speed dating event or changing our type from ‘fuck boy’ to ‘nice boy’.
Stand back and look at your dating life. How many things do you do just because you feel you should? How many people do you ‘ do’ just because they say you should? No matter how many dating blogs you read or advice columns you scroll, dating for you may feel completely different and you need to find a way to make this whole experience fun. Get away from the clutter and really find what out you ‘love’ and the whole dating game is going to be a lot less of a slog.
Get in the Bin!
Like that pair of shorts we’ve been clinging onto for a decade in the hope they’ll be the right time/place/arse size to wear them. We all have that one person we hold onto in the hope that at some point it becomes something. Occasionally we collect a few. Shoved into the back of your phone book, only pulled out once a month to stare at their online status on WhatsApp. You know you will probably never give them the time again, but what if one day you need them?
Of course, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure but if your treasure is too busy plucking the banjo strings of twenty other people, they are totally trash and you need to get rid.
I know it’s painful. I am sure there is a festival this summer that you think they’ll look really good alongside you, but if they aren’t something you want to cover your arse in every morning, why are you holding onto them? Get them in the bin.
“You Dirty Cow!”
I know we’re all too busy bumming Hinch and Kundo right now, but before the insta huns of spring cleaning was the OG’s, Kim and Aggie. The Headmistresses of the cleaning world, they were not afraid of throwing a few punches and pointing out exactly how much of a mess your life actually was.
Sure, they could soothe you gently and tell you that the 5 inches of toilet scum you’ve collected is just ‘one of those things’ or they can call you a ‘Mucky, Pup’ and pour a tenners worth of cola down your loo. Which one is actually going to work?
We want the honest truth about ourselves, until someone dares to do so and we’re crying into our washing up bowls before midnight. If you want to keep your house in order, sometimes you need an outsider to show you what the problem is. When we spend all day everyday in the chaos, a fresh pair of eyes can shed a new light.
This isn’t same as flitting from friend to friend until you find the answer that makes you feel the squishiest. This is about listening to the advice you are handed and doing something with it.
You can spend months dabbing at a problem or you get your hands dirty and solve the issue there and then. Start listening to the honest truth, whether that’s coming from your friends or yourself. And then do something about it.
Out with the Old, In with the New
Oh look at this fuck boy free zone, it is glorious!
You’ve binned, blocked and bundled up all your baggage and you’re feeling like a new person. And suddenly there is room to breathe and maybe fit in a few new special something somethings, if you like. Now’s the time to try new things, to leap into your love life like a spring lamb, and be excited about your future.
Once we’ve stopped tripping over all the junk and can see what you really want from your dating life you’re free to fill it with what you truly want. But much like fast fashion, it’s no good filling your life with more crap you’re going to have to bin again in 6 months time.
Quality over quantity is the key and whether it’s just choosing one dating app rather than 5 or speed dating rather than DM sliding, you need to find the new additions to your dating that suit you.
I’ve made 3 new dating plans for myself this spring time to see me into summer and to reinvigorate my love for being that single girl about town (I am less Carrie Bradshaw and more Cat Lady at the moment). Check them out;
- Invest in only one dating app. I am choosing OK Cupid as it’s an app I haven’t been on a lot and I am very tried of the others I use more often. I am dedicating my time to just the one, and not swiping between lots of different apps, different men, and different boring conversations.
- Date in real life. Talking for weeks through messages is the thing I hate most about modern dating. If they don’t want to meet me in the first 2 weeks it’s not worth it. Speed dating, tall man dating, meeting men in the pubs is the new ‘one’ for me.
- Know my worth. I am note sure how many times I can allow people to treat me like a side piece and still bounce back ready for more. I am so bored of being a bit part in my own life movie, I am god damn Meryl Streep, not Wench No 1, you bastards! If you ghost me, you’re dead to me, no second/third/fourth chances.
Are you feeling the need for a little scrubbing too? What do you think of my 3 spring cleaning plans? Let me know in the comments or find me on instagram and lets talk all thing life Hinching.